A Man Snuck into a Graveyard

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detached from the body. With no time to put it back, the man ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction of the cops. He was nearly out of the graveyard when he was caught. There had apparently been cops waiting to surround him. Defeated, the man let the cops cuff him. They didn’t leave the graveyard immediately. The cops asked him questions for what seemed like hours. Finally one cop stopped him mid sentence. “Look pal. I don’t know why you feel like you have to lie about this entire thing.” Confused, the man fell silent. He’d been truthful the entire time. This cop was crazy! “Tell me,” the cop said in response to the man’s silence, “Whose leg do you think you’re pulling?”

My Aunt had a Hard Time

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guess any position will do.” The bar owner thought for a few seconds. Then she said, “Madam, do you get around in a wheelchair?” A little taken aback, my aunt replied, “No. I hop around on crutches most of the time.” Again, the bartender paused, thinking. My aunt began to look a little concerned. Finally, the bar owner spoke. “Congratulations, you can come in for orientation next week.” Ecstatic, my aunt asked the bar owner what position she was being considered for. “Oh that became an easy answer once you told me you get around on crutches. We’re putting you in charge of the hops.”

Guy Walks into a Bar & Orders a Beer

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of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: “I spit in this beer.” Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. When he returns, he’s delighted to see his full beer still sitting there with the note. Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: “So did I.”

A young man wished to purchase a present

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Dearest Darling, This is a…
little gift to show my affection for you on our Anniversary. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked great. I wish I could put them on you for the first time. No doubt other men’s hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you will like them and wear them for me on Friday night. All my love,
P.S. Just think of how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with the fur showing

Drinking Smart

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shot in the row and does the same.
The bartender asks, “Why did you do that?”
And the guy replies, “Well the first shot
always tastes like crap, and the last one
always makes me sick!”