Little Johnny’s Neighbour

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Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the babys lack of ears.

Johnny looks in the basonet and says “Wow, what a beautiful baby.” The mother replies, ‘Why, Thanks Johnny.”

Johnny says: “He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Is he able to see alright?” “Yes”, says the mum, “we are so grateful, the Doctor said he will have perfect vision.” “That is great”, says Little Johnny, “cause he’d be stuffed if he needed glasses!”

My Lesbian Neighbors

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A sailor comes to port, and decides he really needs to get laid. So he walks into town, and sees a sign- “Sisters of Mercy Convent & Brothel”. He walks into what appears to be a church. There’s a nun sitting by a table near the door. She intuits what it is he’s looking for, and says, put $5 in this tin cup and walk through that door. The sailor does so, and enters another room, and there’s another nun, with a table and a cup. $10, she says, and go through that door. The sailor goes into a third room, where a third nun with a table and cup asks for $15, and go through that door. The sailor coughs up the dough, and walks through the door. It slams and locks behind him, and he is in an alley behind the church, facing a brick wall with a large sign- “You have just been screwed by the Sisters of Mercy”.

Double click on “My computer”

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Computer.. Ok. double click on it..
JACK:what the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..???
Officer:Double click on ur computer..
JACK:On which Icon i’ve to click..
Officer:“My Computer”..
JACK:…Oh u Idiot…… Tell me where is ur office…I’ll
come there and click on ur “Computer.

The Most Important Body Part

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The eyes said “I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”
The hands said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”
The stomach said “I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we’d starve. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”
The legs said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to move anywhere. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”
Then the rectum said “I think I should be in charge.”
All the rest of the parts said “YOU? You don’t do anything! You’re not important! You can’t be in charge.”
So the rectum closed up. After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy.
They all agreed that they couldn’t take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge.
The moral of the story: You don’t have to be the most important to be in charge, just an asshole.

The Cab Driver & St. Peter – Blunders

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is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book,
furrows his brow and says, “OK, we’ll let you in, but
take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”

The preacher is shocked and replies, “But I am a man of
the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a
silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!“

St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, “This is Heaven and up
here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people
slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.”

Finally Have a Heavy Twist

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. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind. Dad screams. Johnny turns around looks at him and says “Yeah, not so funny when it’s your mom huh?”

When Teacher Ask. When Atimulated, Which Part of The Human Body Increases Ten Times Its Size

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Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.

“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”