Man kisses his wife

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he says to his wife.
“Oh my dear what is it?”
“Well first i got fired from work”
“Oh hon don’t worry, he who is up there shall provide for us”
“And i got into a car accident”
“Don’t worry, for he who is up there shall provide for us”
“And the fault was mine, and im not insured”
“Don’t worry my love, for he who is up there shall provide for us”
The first man hiding in the attic jumped out visibly furious.
“I ain’t providing nothin, how bout you tell the other guy under the bed to
provide huh?”

Woman and Doctor

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The woman demands a third time, “Doctor, I want you to kiss me!”
The doctor answers, “No! It’s unprofessional, highly unethical, and
to be honest we probably shouldn’t even be having romance right now!”

Behaviors of a Confident Person

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Relaxed attitude– he has that cool calm presence that shows he’s in control.

 Slow speech with a modulating tone- he doesn’t jump on conversation or shout to be heard. He speaks so you want to listen.

Doesn’t interrupt- he understands that he has all the time in the world to respond so why interrupt?
Always having an open body posture– he doesn’t lurk in a corner with an empty bottle of beer trying to look cool. He opens up and proclaims availability to everyone.

Maintains constant eye contact– like always. You’ll never see him feel intimidated by anyone.

Assertive and makes his opinions clear– he makes his opinions known to others but he doesn’t do it to offend.
Walks deliberately– he walks like he owns the whole planet. Ever seen Grant Cardone walk? Then you know what I mean.

Doesn’t try to please anyone– he doesn’t care whether you like him or not, abuse him or not. That’s your problem and not his. He is self sufficient and does only what he thinks is right.

Doesn’t hurry to respond to people– he is definitely not a people pleaser. When you call his name, he hears and turns around slowly.

Does what others fear to do– he has control over his emotions, though he may feel fear, he proceeds to act anyway.

    He smiles simply because he knows life is good.

High School on Valentine’s Day

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following Valentine’s day, student council was asked to do clean up.
One of the students, however, decided to take all the heart cards, count, sort, and make an itemized list of who got the most Valentine’s cards.

Of course, the pretty and popular girls and guys were named the most but that made many of the other students upset. So much so that the student and their father were called to the principal’s office to discuss how inappropriate it was for the student to do this.


After the principal explained the situation, the student’s father relaxed in his chair, looked at the principal with a slight grin and said, “so you’ve called me here today just to tell me that most high school students don’t like statistics?”

Cinderella Wanted to Go Out

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the fairy godmother said. “I will get you to the ball. I will give you a cairrage, dress, and more.

But be warned, if you do not come back before 12:00 tonight, a pumpkin will grow inside your vagina.” Cinderella agreed, and happily jumped around her room.


Soon, she left for the ball. After a while, the clock struck 11:45 PM, and the fairy godmother was waiting in Cinderella’s room. Soon it struck 12 AM, then 1 AM, then 2 AM.

At around three, Cinderella came home. “So, your vagina doesn’t hurt?” The fairy godmother asked.

“Not at all!” Cinderella replied. “While I was at the ball, I met a man named Peter. Oh, how I loved Peter!”

The Sick Man

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ordinary guy,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million.”
Intrigued and impressed, the woman asked for his business card; three weeks later she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.