What’s better than a hilarious joke? A hilarious joke that’s filled with smut and innuendo, of course. And have we got some great dirty jokes for you.
From naughty gags to close-to-the-knuckle toilet humor, look no further. Short rude jokes, jokes, chat-up lines, Rude knock-knock jokes.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed downward again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over,the couple lying in bed one evening and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”
“I found the remote,” he said.
After thinking for a moment the man says’
I want all of them’
With a confused look says the undertaker
‘One would suffice, why would you want such redundant thing?’
In response the iranian says ‘Well its my
wife we are talking about, You can’t ever be too careful’
“I was in Afghanistan for one tour.” The interviewer says, “that will give you 5 extra points toward employment.”
Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?” The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.” The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Disabled in your country’s service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points!! Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 AM every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “if the work hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM , why don’t you want me here until 10:00 AM ?”
“This is a government job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”
“I really love what you just did for my mom. That proves me that you actually loved my mother and you respected her”
Man: Babe, are you crazy?! Those Israelis are the same people who buried Jesus and three days later he came back to life. I’m not about to take that risk with your mother.
they don’t care, they love him,
he is a good man, and wouldn’t
trade him for the world.
gets his tuxedo.
He wants himself and his date to arrive in style, so he looks to rent a limousine for the night. He goes to the limousine centre, and finds a line of people waiting to rent out a limo, but he patiently waits in line, and manages to hire a limo for prom night.
The morning of the prom he decides to buy his date a bunch of flowers. When he arrives at the florist, he sees a long line of people waiting for their bouquets. He’s annoyed, but he waits patiently, and manages to buy a big bouquet.
During the prom, everything is going well, the boy is dancing with his date, and having a good time. His date whispers into his ear to ask if he can get her some fruit punch. The boy looks over at the table and there was no punchline.
Conceiving a girl child is totally up to chance. But you can try a few ways to make the chance or probability higher!
Each parent has a 50/50 chance of determining the gender of their child. The biological sex of a child is determined by the chromosome provided by the male father (male or female). XY chromosomes are found in males, while XX chromosomes are found in females. Females must provide one of their X chromosomes, whereas males can provide either the X or Y chromosome.
Because it reduces the depth of penetration, having intercourse in a missionary position is considered to improve your chances of conceiving a female. As a result, the sperm can only ejaculate so close to the cervix. Because boy sperm move very fast for short periods of time, you may be able to prevent the boy sperm from reaching and fertilising the egg by limiting deep entry. (Another explanation for this is the vaginal pH; it is more acidic towards the entrance, which is better for girl sperm.)
According to Shettles’ method, you should have intercourse 2 to 4 days before ovulation to boost your chances of having a daughter. This approach is based on the idea that in acidic conditions, girl sperm is stronger and lasts longer than boy sperm. Only female sperm should be left by the time ovulation occurs. Shallow penetration is also recommended by Shettles to give girl sperm an advantage. Sperm can enter the female body at the vaginal opening, which is a more acidic environment, in this fashion. This also aids the survival of female sperm. According to Shettles, this procedure has a 75% success rate in producing a daughter.
To conceive a girl, Whelan recommends having sex two or three days before ovulation or on the day of ovulation. Male and female sperm operate differently at different stages in a woman’s menstrual cycle, which is why the timing is important. At this time in the cycle, sperm with X chromosomes (female sperm) are more likely to fertilise an egg. Girl sperm has a better chance of surviving when you have sex closer to ovulation or on ovulation day. According to Whelan, this procedure has a 57 percent success rate in conceiving a daughter.
Author Kathryn Taylor came up with the idea. For three months before attempting to conceive, you’ll track your luteinizing hormone (LH) twice a day – once in the morning and once in the evening. You can comprehend trends in your menstrual cycle since a surge in this hormone suggests that ovulation will occur within the next 12 to 48 hours. You can better predict ovulation this way. The Babydust approach recommends having intercourse two or three days before ovulation after tracking the hormone for three months. The goal is to give female sperm an advantage once more. The boy sperm will no longer be viable by the time the egg arrives.
Eating more fruits and vegetables can help you conceive a female child. Yes, you should eat foods high in magnesium, such as whole grains, seafood, lean meats, and some nuts (Brazil nuts are a good choice). Remember to consume dairy products like butter, milk, eggs, and yogurt to boost your chances of conceiving a female. Furthermore, there is good news for dessert fans who wish to have a daughter: a higher level of sugar in your bloodstream raises the acidity of your reproductive system, so you don’t have to give up dessert!
Foods that are thought to increase your chances of conceiving a girl include:
| Sr No. | Diet |
|---|---|
| 1. | Berries |
| 2. | Eggs, milk, cheese, butter, yogurt |
| 3. | Apples |
| 4. | Cashews, nuts |
| 5. | Peanut butter |
| 6. | Beans |
| 7. | Almonds |
| 8. | Broccoli |
| 9. | Rhubarb |
| 10. | Citrus fruits |
| 11. | Edamame and tofu |
| 12. | Dark, leafy greens, Spinach |
| 13. | Oats and oat bran |
| 14. | Amaranth (an ancient grain) |
| 15. | Fortified breakfast cereals |
| 16. | Seeds, like pumpkin, flax, and chia |
| 17. | Seafood, especially sardines and canned salmon |
The Chinese calendar has been in use for centuries. The gender of the infant is determined by the mother’s age and the month in which she conceives, according to the Chinese calendar. You can use the calendar to figure out what month you should try to conceive in order to have the baby gender you want. (According to some lunar calendar specialists, this method is 99 percent accurate!)
Innovative people are working overtime to make our life simpler and each year brings us something new. In following, we present to you 29 smart new inventions that are fresh and upcoming..
[ads]
[ads]
[ads]
Man to very beautiful airhostess:- “What’s your name?”
Air hostess:- “Eva Benz..”
Man :- “Lovely name…any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
Air hostess:- (smiling) “maintenance cost is same”
so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”
Jeny: “What’s the matter with your wife? She looks all broken up.”
Rob: “She got a terrible shock.”
Jeny: “How was it?”
Rob: “She was assisting at a rummage sale at the church and she took off her new $2 hat and somebody sold it for 30 cents.”
Me: “The electricity company and
the water company.”
