Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

The teacher asks, “Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?” Flora blushes and says, “That’s disgusting, I won’t even answer that question.” The teacher calls on Johnny: “What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?” “That’s easy,” says Johnny. “It’s the pupil of the eye.” “Very good, Johnny,” responds the teacher. “That’s correct.” She then turns to Flora and says, “First, you didn’t do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you’re in for a BIG disappointment.”

it only affects the toes.”
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees.
He admits, “I had kneesles, too.”
Finally, he pulls off his boxers.
In shock, the woman gasps, “Oh no — smallcox, too!”

anything you said.
Student: Same here.

What are the behaviors of a confident person? 

1.Has nothing to prove to anyone, doesn’t need to go around starting fights.
    2. Doesn’t need anyone’s approval to make a decision.
    3. Isn’t afraid to give to someone that could surpass him in life.
    4. Never needs anyone’s validation to maintain a good self esteem.
    5. Doesn’t make someone feel smaller to look larger in life.
   6. Admits wrong doing and owns up to it, with full accountability.
    7. Body language is open and loose, with straight posture to show a commanding presence.
    8. Owns a room with charisma.
    9. Does not hide from conflict, rises to action.
    10. Never ridicules others- it is a sign of insecurity.
   11. Speaks truth from the core of their being, and communicates with full conviction.
    12. Solid eye contact.
    13. Mentally controls emotions against outside environment.
    14. Practices what they want to do harder than anyone.
    15. Makes no excuses for failures.
    16. Does not need to be told how great they are because they have humility.
    17. Laughs at one’s self and doesn’t take the world too seriously.
    18. Stays focused on one’s own life and doesn’t need to compare oneself to others.
   19. Is honest no matter the consequences.
    20. Doesn’t need to be seen as anyone other than who they are, and unapologetically themselves.  

wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger.
The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed.

Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella’s tip at the tiger and shouts
Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.

Guy: That can’t be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.

looked, the man asked Jesus, “What’s the deal with all the clocks?”
Jesus replied, “They keep track of everybody on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time someone tells a lie, their clock moves forward one minute. For instance, this clock belongs to Sam, a used car salesman. If you watch it closely, it will move any second.”
Click! The minute hand on Sam’s clock moved forward one minute. Click! It moved forward another minute.
“Sam must be closing on a deal right now,” said Jesus. ‘The minute hand on his clock moves all day long.’
The man and Jesus continued walking and soon came across a clock covered with cobwebs. ‘Whose clock is this?’ asked the man. “That clock belongs to the Widow Audrey. She is one of the finest people on earth. I bet her clock hasn’t moved in a year or two.”
They continued walking and touring Heaven. The man enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends.
When the tour was finally finished, the man said, “I’ve seen everyone’s clock but one! Where is Donald Trump’s clock kept?”
Jesus smiled and said, “Look up. We use his for a ceiling fan.”

makes $2000 per night.”

All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them :

“Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn’t take off until the afternoon. “

saw it coming from a
kilometer away.

The golf pro saw her heading back
and said, “You are back early,

what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a
bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked.

“Between the first and second
hole.” she replied.

He nodded and said,
“Your stance is far too wide.”

can’t wash the crack and resell it

What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”

in that. That gave him some relief.
Suddenly he heard a gasp.

The girl was standing at the doorway.
Wide eyed she exclaims- “So, thats how you guys fill up”.

Nobody could remember my face.

“I had s*x with my teacher.” The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, “No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts.”

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