Jogging,
If She Returns, Don’t Sleep With Her!
When Reports Got Mixed Up
Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor
What’s better than a hilarious joke? A hilarious joke that’s filled with smut and innuendo, of course. And have we got some great dirty jokes for you.
From naughty gags to close-to-the-knuckle toilet humor, look no further. Short rude jokes, jokes, chat-up lines, Rude knock-knock jokes.
Attractive Women in a Bar With Cowboy
just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it..”
The intrigued woman says,
“A state-of-the-art watch? What”s so special about it?”
The cowboy explains,
“It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.” The lady says,
“What”s it telling you now?” Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies “Well it must be broken because I am wearing
panties!” The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”
Sad Story of A beer Bottle, a Mirror and a C0ndom
“That’s nothing, if you break me you get 7 years bad luck.” The c0ndom starts to laugh so hard he falls on the floor.
Minister Gave Speech on S3x
A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sxx. When he got home, he couldn’t tell his wife that he had spoken about sxx, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, “Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he’s only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off.”
Blind Girlfriend
“you’re pulling my leg”
Prefer Your Wife Not Whisky
Husband was sipping his whisky, while sitting in the balcony with wife and he says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
Wife asks, “Is that you, or the whisky talking?”
Husband replies, “It’s me….. talking to whisky.”
Two Girls Locked in a Bathroom
Two Girls into a toilet and they both got locked in.
The first shouts:
First – Help, help!
The second one suggests:
Second – Let’s shout together.
Now they both shout:
– Together, together…
Wife Strikes Again!
who completely brushes him off.”What’s wrong?” he asks.
She answers, “Do you reallythink I’m going to fire up
this big-ass grill for one
little weenie?”
A Fat Guy Wearing a Speedo
After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment.
And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.
Here are the Best 30+ Mothers Day Quotes to Melt Your Heart
“When you are looking at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.”
“Mother is the heartbeat in the home; and without her, there seems to be no heartthrob.”
“Mothers are like glue. Even when you can’t see them, they’re still holding the family together.”
“My Mother: She is beautiful, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel. I want to grow old and be like her. ”
“It may be possible to gild pure gold, but who can make his mother more beautiful?
“Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; A mother’s secret hope outlives them all.”
“Only mothers can think of the future because they give birth to it in their children.”
“To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power.”
The mother’s heart is the child’s school-room.”
“To the world, you are a mother, but to your family, you are the world.” —
“The loveliest masterpiece of the heart of God is the heart of a mother.”
“Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.”
“Acceptance, tolerance, bravery, compassion. These are the things my mom taught me.”
“To a child’s ear, ‘mother’ is magic in any language.”
“A mother is a mother still, the holiest thing alive.”
“I can imagine no heroism greater than motherhood.”
“Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.”
“Mothers can look through a child’s eyes and see tomorrow.”
“Mothers possess a power beyond that of a king on his throne.”
“No language can express the power and beauty and heroism of a mother’s love.”
“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there. ”
“There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.”
“If love is as sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love.”
“A mother is your first friend, your best friend, your forever friend.”
“When you are looking at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.” —Charley Benetto
“Mother is the heartbeat in the home; and without her, there seems to be no heartthrob.” —Leroy Brownlow
“Mothers are like glue. Even when you can’t see them, they’re still holding the family together.” —Susan Gale
“My Mother: She is beautiful, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel. I want to grow old and be like her. ” —Jodi Picoult
“Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.” —William Makepeace Thackeray
“The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation.” —James E. Faust
A British Soldier Returns From War
there naked. “Darling, look what the
wind blew away”, she says seductively.
The husband, looking sad and dejected,
drops his pants, and says “Sweetheart,
look what the Germans blew away.”
How to Falling Deep sleep Fast
- Lower the Room Temperature
- Use the 4-7-8 Breathing Method
- Get on a Schedule
- Experience Both Daylight and Darkness
- Practice Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness
- Do Not Look at Your Clock
- Avoid Naps During the Day
- Watch What and When You Eat
- Listen to Relaxing Music
- Exercise During The Day
- Get Comfortable
- Turn Off All Electronics
- Try Aromatherapy
- Practice Journaling
- Limit Caffeine and Drink a Soothing Beverage
- Adjust Your Sleep Position
- Read Something
- Focus on Trying to Stay Awake
- Visualize Things That Make You Happy
- Try Sleep-Enhancing Supplements
When a Good Man Goes To Hell. But Why?
do the paperwork, so the man is left alone for a while in Death’s office.
He thinks to himself about what he wants to do when he gets there, he could eat all of the delicious foods he never got to try on earth, he could drive the best sports cars he could imagine, he could even be a carefree child again.
He lingers on that final thought for a moment, it’s so appealing to him to be able to run around, play, be silly, with nobody judging him. He gets excited and stands up.
Death walks back into the office, just in time to see the man bouncing on the sofa. He asks “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” to which the man replies “I’m having the time of my life, or should I say the time of my death?” Just as he finishes speaking, the sofa tears open, and the man falls all the way through. Death is furious and screams “DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THAT WAS!? I HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO EARTH NOW TO GET A NEW ONE”. The man sheepishly apologizes.
Death asks the man to stand up, and they begin their journey to the afterlife. As they arrive, Death says to the man “GO INSIDE, THEY WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO FROM HERE”. He obliges.
As he walks in, Satan says to the man “Welcome to Hell”
“Hell!?” the man splutters. “But I was told I was going to heaven, there must have been some kind of mistake!“
“Unfortunately that is not the case. You see, in life, you were a good man, however in death, you have behaved recklessly and with no consideration for the reaper cushions.”