Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

To his delight, the hotel is exactly as it was all those years ago, with the only exception being that the room now has a computer. So he decides to type an email to his wife. But in his excitement he forgets one letter in the email address. One letter.

Meanwhile, in a different part of the world, a widow is returning from her late husbands funeral. She arrives home, grief stricken and mourning. She decides to check her email.

The emails are what you’d expect, the usual condolences from family and friends, the “sorry for your loss” messages and comforting emails from her loved ones. With the exception of one…

The title of the email, “To my dearest wife…”
Sceptical, she opens the email. It reads:

“To my dearest wife,
It was such a shame I had to leave you behind today…”

“I was surprised when I got here to find they’ve got computers now so you can send emails! I just thought I’d let you know I got here safely”

At this point the widow doesn’t know what to make of this, but with tears in her eyes, she continues.

“Everyone here is very friendly and the room is lovely… And I’m looking forward to seeing you here tomorrow… Until then, my love, be safe and I’ll see you soon”

The widows jaw drops to the floor as she reads the last line…

“PS, it sure is freaking hot down here!”

can keep smoking. Ethyl, completely confounded by this move remarks:
Ethyl: “What is that?! I need one!”
Gladys: “Oh this? Just go to the pharmacist, and tell him you need some condoms.”
So Ethyl decides right then and there she needs to get condoms immediately. She takes
a detour on her way home that day and visits the pharmacy. She walks up to the teenager
working the counter at the pharmacy and says:
Ethyl: “I’d like a pack of condoms please.”
Teenager: “Ma’am, aren’t you a little bit old to … you know?”
Ethyl: [taken aback by this] “Excuse me?! I’ve been doing this since I was a teenager!”
Realizing the guy working there had no room to speak, he asks what size she’ll need.
Ethyl: “Oh I need ones that will fit a Camel.”

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his “tool of the trade”. But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”

in her beauty, international superpower, and
redeemer of all civilizations, she is our only mother.”

Kim Jong applauses. “What a diligent student you are.
What do you want to be when you’re older?”

The student replies “An orphan.”

Edit: Since I wrote this I’ve been hearing a Borat voice
in my head saying “Make glorious nation of Kazakhstan”
all day. I think I’m haunted.

“Yes, Officer?”
“What are you doing?” the policeman asked.

“Well, sir, I’m reading, and my girlfriend is knitting a sweater.”
“How old are you, son?” the officer asked.

“I’m twenty,” the boy replied, looking at his watch.
“And in about twelve minutes, she’ll be eighteen.”

your dinner” is NOT the correct answer

The biker looked at him and didn’t say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass and would fight at he drop of a hat.
The drunk leaned on the table again. And he said “I got it on with your grandma. And she is good. The best I ever had!”
The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said,”I’ll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!”
The biker stood up and took the drunk by the shoulder. And said, “Damn it, Grandpa, you’re drunk! Go home!”

lower to her thigh. She turns to him and
says”No chance love, if you’re not prepared
to shoe the horse then you sure as hell ain’t riding it!”

“I think you have
the wrong room.”
“You put in my

husband’s teeth last week,”
she replied.

“Now you have to remove them.”

they will come for them in 24 hours The second man made a phone call to the army:
“Comrade, I served the country as you do, please get me out of here!”
The soldier told him they will come for them in 12 hours

The final man made a phone call to someone and made a whisper which
the other two-man can’t hear Within an hour, the men were
dugout and rescued

A group of police officers walks up to the weary men:
“Alright, which one of you said Taiwan is a country?”

I told her I’d give her that much with pleasure.
She shook her head and replied, “With pleasure, it’ll be $600 a week.”

God says, “My son, there was no fraud.
Biden won the electoral college fair and
square, 306 to 232.”

After a few seconds of stunned silence,
the one guy turns to the other and whispers,
“This goes higher up than we thought.”