Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

the bartender says, pouring
the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man
replies, “And that’s why
I like you better than my barber.“

however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought, one man blurts out, “Make the entire ocean into beer!” The genie claps her hands and the entire sea turns into brew.

The other man looks disgustedly at the one who made the wish and says, “Nice going! Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat.”

that America is the best country in the world.

cover it up” was not the right answer.

Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m.”
He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, “Okay.”
She’s there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.
They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, “I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.”
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They’re totally amazed … They can’t figure her out. She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.
This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.
They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”
The lady blushes, and grins. “When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous.” she replies. “I like to switch back and forth.”
“When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his ‘willie’ points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.”
The guys think this is hysterical.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”
She says, “Then, I’m fifteen minutes late.”

out his wallet, gives her 5 brand new $20 bills, and says: “Here is $100!
Now give me $500!”

“Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-a$$ grill for one little weenie?”

pulled out, spat on my dick and stuck it in her ass.
I then threw her on the floor and came on her face and tits”.

The barman said ” Wow, that sounds amazing, but why the black
eye”? “Well, it turns out we don’t watch the same movies”.

no arms and no legs. She asks: what do you want?
He says: I came because of the newspaper ad.
Her: do you meet the first requirement?
Him: I got no arms, so I can’t hit you.
Her: do you meet the second requirement?
Him: I got no legs, so I can never leave you.
Her: what about the third requirement?
Him: how do you think I rang the door bell?

A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, ‘There’s no charge.’
‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,’ she says.
‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the mortician says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’
‘So I just switched the heads.’

Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.”
The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday
morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.”

On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling.The doctor asked, “What happened to you?”
The man said, “No one showed up.”

that he will scatter the ashes at sea, because their love of the sea kept them together during difficult times.
The third, a cook, says that he intends to mix his husband’s ashes into a bowl of chili and eat it.
The two other men look at him in horror and disgust. The pilot asks “why would you eat a bowl of chili with your husband’s ashes in it?”
The cook says “So he can tear up my ass one last time”

to have their son name after
their heritage

After much argument
they decided on the name.

Ravi O’Lee