Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife.
“Now you know how I always feel.”

Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: “Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?”

Wife looks confused: “But that’s your task, honey.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s all over the Bible, dearest.”

“The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!”

The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: “See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews.”

screaming in fear. He puts his clothes back on and chases behind her.
He finally catches up with her and asks why she ran like that.
She says, “I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!”

and the man use the wood for making bed. Moral – A girl can change your goal.

care for you and that you will care for her, in sickness and in health.
It’s absolutely fucking vital that these three
women do not know each other.

school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, “Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike

“No problem, sir,” says the S-M, and when C Company is on parade, he calls out “Atten-shun! Higgins! Your father’s dead!” at which poor Higgins breaks down in tears on parade and has to be escorted away.

The next morning, the colonel once again sends for the sergeant-major and says “Mr. Macintosh, once again C Company are on parade and I regret to say that we have been notified that as a result of her injuries sustained in the accident, Higgins’s mother has now died. And, sergeant-major, when you pass on this news, see to it that you do so more tactfully than yesterday.”

“No problem, sir,” says the S-M, and when C Company is on parade, he calls out “Atten-Shun! Higgins! Prepares to receive bad news of a familial nature. Higgins… wait for it!… your mother’s dead!” and, once again, poor Higgins has led away in tears.

It is three days before C Company is on parade again, and when they are, the colonel once again sends for the sergeant-major, and his face is grave: “Sergeant-major, we have just received the news that in spite of all possible medical attention and a brave fight for life, Private Higgins’s poor sister has tragically died. This was Higgins’s last close family member and I cannot stress strongly enough the need to pass on this news as gently as possible.”

“Don’t you worry, sir,” says the S-M, and when C Company is on parade, he calls out “Atten-shun! All members of C Company who have living sisters, three paces… wait for it!… three paces forward, March! Higgins, where the ‘ell are you going you ‘horrible little man?”

“In that case, follow me.” So she follows him into the back room and
he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his
boxers and says: “Well go on then you said you’d do anything!”
So she picks up his d.ck, holds it to her mouth and says: “Hello………mom are you there?”

After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side. “Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, ‘Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem.” Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then, Jill took off her panties and gave them to Brian. “Try these on,” she said. Brian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties,” said Brian. “Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”

semen way too quickly. If he doesn’t msturbate at least thrice a day, his testicles will explode.” In the next room, another male patient is being given a blwjob by a gorgeous female nurse. “What’s going
on in there?” asks the President.
“Same problem, better insurance.”