Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!”
The woman said, “That’s okay.”
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to.”
The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.”
The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue to feel good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
Moral of the story: Women think they’re really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen.

searching for ways to climb his way up. Luckily he found a rope hanging down that cliff. Excited, he climbed up and on the top of a cliff he found a small weird looking hut. The man went inside and to his expectation, he found the wizard. The wizard was sitting there drinking from a flask. He welcomed the man and asked his purpose for this visit.

The man told wizard the whole story and asked for help. The wizard agreed. He asked that man to drink the secret potion from his flask. “Only 2 drops”, he said. As soon as the man drank it, his penis grew. The man was ecstatic. He thanked the wizard and took his leave. But before leaving, out of curiosity, he asked the wizard, “Just 2 drops of that potion did the magic on me. You have been drinking from that flask as well, yet it seems like the potion has no effect on you. Why is it so?”

The wizard said, “You think that was a rope hanging down the cliff?”

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again.”
Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”
Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Earline with me.”

bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with
all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt
with wet celery?” She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
“No, I’m your son’s teacher.”

the door for her … Why can’t
you do the same?”

“Are you mad? I barely
know the woman!”

“No sir, but do you mind if I wait
around here until someone does?”

You require for a DNR analysis and they make it. Then the doctors tell you silently, that actually you can’t be a father since you are genetically sterile. This is a stress, combined with a relief. On your way back home you remember, that you have three kids. That’s what the real stress is.

“No sir, but my dad has a stutter and the guy who registered
my name was a real jerk.”

not ‘fascinating’.” Sally raised her hand. She said,
“My family went to see Rock City
and I was fascinated.”The teacher said, “Well, that was
good Sally, but I wanted you to

use the word ‘fascinate’.”Little Johnny raised his hand, but
the teacher hesitated because she
had been burned by Little Johnny

before.She finally decided there was no
way he could damage the word “fascinate,”
so she called on him.Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has
a sweater with ten buttons, but
her tits are so big she can only
fasten eight!”

gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, “As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing
summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most”
The male statue looks longingly at his female statue companion.
The female statue returns his lustful gaze.
They go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return , out of breath and laughing.
The angel looks at it’s watch, “Umm, you have fifteen minutes left….would you care to do it again?”
He asks her, “Shall we?”
She eagerly replies, “Oh yes, lets! But we should change the positions,…”
“This time , I’ll hold the pigeon down, and you crap on it’s head!”

me that? Is it because I am Chinese?”
“No”, I said, “It’s because you’re
drinking my beer, you little prick.”