What’s better than a hilarious joke? A hilarious joke that’s filled with smut and innuendo, of course. And have we got some great dirty jokes for you.
From naughty gags to close-to-the-knuckle toilet humor, look no further. Short rude jokes, jokes, chat-up lines, Rude knock-knock jokes.
In the evening in bed a man approaches his wife. She tries to get away, complaining having a headache. A man asks: – Darling, maybe let’s do IT the Brazilian style? Wife gets interested: ok! The husband does IT the same way as always, and after sxx turns away and is about to fall asleep‘ The wife: – Honey, and what’s Brazilian about this? – Oh, really… Cha-cha-cha!
service to the company,
down the drain.
and all, but not really a superpower…”
Girl: “Yeah I was just kidding, I can heal paraplegics”
Professor X, still standing: “Oh my god”
talking but kept weeping.
“Well don’t cry, it’s a sin but it is not that bad. You should
say 5 Hail Marys and it will be forgiven”. Said the priest.
“But it doesn’t end there” the man kept sobbing. “a few days later my elderly neighbor asked me to help her with her computer. Her husband was hospitalized and she couldn’t send an email to her son. I went there and fixed the problem, but when I was about to leave, the rain started pouring down. It was really stormy and I had to wait. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with the old lady” the man cried.
“Oh dear well that makes it harder indeed, but still – you should say 15 Hail Marys and you will be forgiven,” Said the priest.
“Oh I’m afraid the worst part is still ahead” cried the man. “Yesterday I went to the barber. I was his last client that day. As soon as he finished and was about to close the shop rain started pouring down so intensely, I had to wait with him. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him as well” the man cried.
“Oh dear, it is indeed worse than I thought,” said the priest.“So what should I do father?” the man asked.
“Well” answered the priest, “you should get the fuck out of here before it starts raining!”.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been fucked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE FUCKED!”
Husband comes home early and sees wife with another guy.
Wife : Why are you early ?
Husband : Who is he ?
Wife : Don’t try to change the topic..!
The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT’S TOO MUCH!” All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered “I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty.”
63 CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!”
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”
“I don’t want to talk to you”, the old Muslim woman says.”You are not my son!”
“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”
“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, “I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”
the chocolate we’re out of,”
Kid: “Ah, OK. Then gimme a scoop of raspberry and a scoop of chocolate.”
Clerk: “Listen, kid, can you spell the VAN in vanilla?”
Kid: “Sure! V-A-N.”
Clerk: “Can you spell the STRAW in strawberry?”
Kid: “Sure! S-T-R-A-W!
Clerk: “Can you spell the FUCK in chocolate?”
Kid: “There is no FUCK in chocolate!”
Clerk: “THAT’S what I’m trying to tell you.”
Three Women Were Sitting In A Bar Enjoying A Drink. They Got To Talking And Found Out That All Of Their Husbands Were Named Bubba. The First Woman Says, “We Need To Come Up With Nick Names For Our Husbands So We Know Which Bubba We’Re Talking About. The Third Woman Says, “I’Ll Call My Bubba, ‘Mountaindew’ Because He’S Hard Like A Mountain And We Always Do.” The First Woman Says, “I Think I’Ll Call My Bubba, Jack Daniels.” The Third Woman Says, “That’S Not A Soft Drink, That’S A Hard Licker!” The First Woman Replied, “That’S My Bubba!”
says,… “Are you done yet?” And the wife says,
“Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
he also doesn’t want the farmer to lose his second wife, so he
suggests to the farmer, “You know, if you want your farm to be
more successful, maybe you should hire a 21-year-old farmhand.”
“That I’ll do!” says the farmer.
A few months later, the farmer comes back and says to the bartender, “I have some good news! I got my wife pregnant!”
“That’s very nice,” replies the bartender. “How’s the farmhand doing?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” answers the farmer. “I got her pregnant too!”
Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During wrapping, the clerk mixed the items up and the sister got the gloves instead. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with this note:
“I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove…..!
waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders
a big sundae to pass the time.
The penguin isn’t the neatest eater and he ends up covered in
melted ice cream.
When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look
at him and says,
“Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists,
“it’s just ice cream.”
A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate to the United States.
In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards.
Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.
Su and Fu decided to stay in China!