What’s better than a hilarious joke? A hilarious joke that’s filled with smut and innuendo, of course. And have we got some great dirty jokes for you.
From naughty gags to close-to-the-knuckle toilet humor, look no further. Short rude jokes, jokes, chat-up lines, Rude knock-knock jokes.
A teenager is walking downtown and a girl whispers to him, “Bl0wjob, five dollars”. He gives her a strange look and keeps walking. Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking. The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was “Mom, what’s a bl0wjob?”. His mom replies “Five dollars, just like downtown!”.
husband and said “Sir, you’re
my witness. You know I never wear panties.”
Finally, she sees someone who appears to be in charge. She runs over and asks the man, “what is going on here?”
The strange man replies, “everyone here is doing their best to better their souls.” Confused at the cryptic answer and curious about the strange man’s traditional Mongolian garb, the woman asks him to elaborate.
The Buddhist Monk replies, “My dear, having cake is the best way to gain Karma.”
your drinking habits changed?
– Yes, that’s really a game changer!
All my family and friends are impressed!
Now I can drink shots standing on my head in the bar!
identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airline motto: “We love to fly and it shows”.
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: “Winning the hearts of the world”.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: “Going beyond expectations”.
The woman looks at him sternly and says: “What the fuck do you want dickhead?”
“Ah!” he says, sitting back with a smile on his face… Ryanair!
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”
Is Your First Time How to Do
You Know I Fucked So Well“
The cab driver says,…..
“Get the fuck out of my cab.”
So he goes to the next one and asks the same thing.
“How much to airport?”
“$15.”
“Great, how much for a blowjob on the way there?”
And that cab driver also tells him to get the fuck out of his cab.
He does this all the way down the line of drivers, each one kicking him out.
He finally gets to the last driver, the one from his last trip.
He asks, “Hey how much to the airport?”
Driver responds, “$15.”
The guy hands him $15 and says, “Great let’s go!”
And so the driver leaves, slowly passing all the other drivers who are staring out their window while the guy in the back smiles back with a thumbs up.
he radios the station and asks what to do.
The cop at the station says “Is she a blond driving a lipstick red
corvette?” and the cop replies “Yes”.
So the other cop says
“What you do is tell her to get out of the car
and pull out your dick as you walk up to her”.
So the cop does exactly what the other cop says.
The blond gets out of the car and he whips out his dick.
The blond “sighs” and says
“Please not another breathalyzer test!”
The penguins’ driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy.
“I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo,” shouted the first driver.
The second replied, “I did, but I had some money left, so we’re going to the cinema now.”
“You will have to explain this.”
The nurse replies, “Same problem better insurance.”
raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn’t.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
After becoming quite frusturated and embarassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus,
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”
The texan smiled and drawled “Well ma’am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends.
sitting here right next to you.
Your Dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
