Funny Jokes Hilarious Adult Humor

Why do rich people stay rich?

THEY MASTER THE ART OF SPENDING. The common traits among rich is that they work smart to earn by spending least time, effort and money.

Tesla doesn’t spend on advertising. Owners talk about it to their family and friends. They refer their code to friends to get free supercharging.

By the end of Penn and Teller show, the magicians takes selfies, shake hands and answer questions to approx 200 customers every single show. That promoted them as the longest running headline in Vegas.
Amazon US filed nil tax in two consecutive years though they showed increase in profit .

Skip’s kitchen – a californian burger restaurant asks customer to pick up a card from a deck of cards . If they pull out a joker, the meal is free. Skip’s spend just $2 for every $100 spent . They never spent on advertising.

The Hilton Doubletree Hotel gives a warm chocolate chip cookie during every check-in , totally 75,000 cookies are given out each day , 34% of their guests speak about Hilton Doubletree cookie to their friends , that’s almost 25,000 stories spoken about the brand every single day. The hotel spends just $0.20 as a unit cost per cookie .

When John Neville took over as a director of Neptune theatre , he gave free tickets to local taxi drivers who should talk up the shows to their passengers. Two years down the lane, threatre subscription doubled.

Once Mr Dand from India wrote to Warren buffet about investing in a startup that has a market cap of $300 million. Few days later , he received a letter from Berkshire Hathway Inc stating that it’s far too small to be considered as Investment. Here , Mr Buffett has acknowledged a client’s time and effort as well as politely declined his proposal based on company standards. That’s how the rich work smart in spending least time , effort and money .

and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke.”
“Do you eat a lot of sugary and greasy foods?”

“No, sir! I carefully watch my diet and caloric intake, and I’m sure to eat plenty of vegetables.”
“Do you go to parties? Stay up late? Are you sexually promiscuous?”

“Not at all! Early to bed and early to rise! And abstinence is key.”
The doctor raises an eyebrow at the man. “So… Why exactly do you want to live to be a hundred?”

Goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona,
decides that something cold would really hit the spot.

He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat.
Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem.
The mechanic looks up and says “It looks like you blew a seal.”

“No no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just ice cream.”

to relieve the pain, he slowly undoes his fly.

Immediately, his penis lunges out onto the table, grabs a bread roll, and vanishes back under the table.

His date, unsurprisingly shocked, slowly smiles and says, “could you do that again?”
The man, his eyes watering slightly, replies “probably, but I don’t think I can fit another roll in my arse.”

will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
“How much for a season ticket?”

a doctor to figure out that you have slept with my wife!”
The doctor remains calm: “The answer
lies in the genetics.

Some genetics have recessive traits, which are not apparent to
the parents but may be passed on to the child.

For example, last week one of your sheep
gave birth to a black sheep.”The chieftain pauses for a thinking, then
replies: “I tell you what.

You say no word about black sheep and I say no word about white child.”

the fabric when cold weather sets in.
“Women need not worry, we have killed that bastard”

“Well,” she says, “I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion.”
“Too bad you didnt look in the freezer,” said Erica, “Or we might both still be alive.”

Friend: Now think of clowns

“That’s a great idea.” He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a c*ndom.
“What size would you like?” asks the pharmacist.
“Big enough to fit a Camel.”

A Bible.
A silver dollar.
A bottle of whiskey.
A Playboy magazine.
‘I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up..”
“If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!
“If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.

“But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
“And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine’s centerfold.
“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered. “He’s gonna run for Congress.”

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.