Drunk Jokes

Police: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Rob: No.

Police: I pulled you over since it seems like you are drunk. Do you mind me doing a test on you?

Rob: Sure.

Police: You see a vehicle with two headlights behind you. What is the vehicle?

Rob: A car?

Police: Yes, but what type of car? A BMW? A Honda?

Rob: How would I know that?

Police: See? You’re drunk!

Rob: No, I’m not.

Police: Ok. You see a vehicle behind you with one headlight. What is the vehicle?

Rob: A motorcycle?

Police: Yes, but what type of motorcycle? A Yamaha? A Harley?

Rob: I don’t know.

Police: See? You’re drunk!

Rob: No. Let me ask you a question. You see a woman standing on a curb. Heels, fishnet, stockings, short mini skirt, and flagging cars down. What is she?

Police: A prostitute.

Rob: Yeah, but is it your wife, your mother, or your daughter?

He: Are you describing the wine or
your mother?

mother-in-law just isn’t enough.’

Condom: “Ha…
haha….hahahaha (walks off laughing)”

of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: “I spit in this beer.” Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. When he returns, he’s delighted to see his full beer still sitting there with the note. Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: “So did I.”

shot in the row and does the same.
The bartender asks, “Why did you do that?”
And the guy replies, “Well the first shot
always tastes like crap, and the last one
always makes me sick!”

up and died. “All right, son,”
asked the father, “what does that show you?”
“Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol,
you will not have worms.”

“Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”

and he ends up covered in melted ice cream.
When he returns to the shop, the mechanic
takes one look at him and says,
“Looks like you blew a seal.”
“No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.”