Story Teller 
me!!” “Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…
“Really, I can’t,” he replied.“My wife loves this beard!!”
The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.
That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping.
Husband wife and their loversThe wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face, and said,
“Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon!”
Drunk Blonde A drunk blonde woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.” The barman mixes her drink and puts in down in front of her. A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.” He rolls his eyes but mixes her drink anyway and sets it down in front of her. A few minutes later, she waves him over again and says, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.” The barman looks her up and down and says, “First off, it’s bartender, not barfender. Second off, it’s martini, not marhini. And third, you don’t have heartburn, your b**b is in the ashtray.”
The mother tried to use this occasion to
teach her child: “It is because of you, dear.
Every bad action of yours will turn one of my
hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why
grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
she was going down on me. I
thought to myself, “I really
need a new fucking boat.”
I thought to myself.
a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
People who don’t have social connections.
People who are academically smart, but are utter idiots in life.
People who are not willing to fail.
People who won’t let go of their ego and kill it.
People who are not willing to leave the past behind, cut it off, and move on.
People who are friends with negative assholes that constantly bring them down because “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” You won’t succeed if you won’t change your attitude, and instead will be desperately trying to change the world, the environment, and others.
“Those who have a why to live, can bear with almost any how.” If you don’t have a why, game over.
eyes. Then into its ears.
Finally, she turns to the girl and says,
“I’m very sorry. I’m going to have to put your cat down.”
“Oh no! Because he’s so fat?”
“Yes,” says the doctor. “My arms are very tired.”
straight in the eyes & calmly says, “I’ll explain the toy,
you explain the kids…..”
At dinner, she told her sister, “My
monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said, “That’s
nothing, mine is already eating
bananas.”
she asked. He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back.
I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and explained, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.” The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”
Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack.
Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.
He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read, “‘Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti – Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'”
A Secretary came angrily out of boss cabin
a colleague asked: What happened?
She replied: He asked me are you free tonight?
I said: Yes, and bastard give me 101 pages of work.
the man answers indignantly.“Oh, I’m sorry,”
says the cop, “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither
did I until you flashed that light on her face.”
a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”
“We’re not trying to find out anything,” the man replied. “She’s married and we can’t go to her house.
I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it
here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare.”
Then she looked at me and said,
“I don’t want to catch you wearing
my things ever again.”
For More Jokes Go to : here
“ the teacher says “no! It’s an orange”Johnny comes up next and reaches in “ it’s rectangular and firm it’s an eraser!” Teacher goes no “It’s a granola bar” dirty Ernie stands up and goes “ teacher I’m reaching in my pocket abd felling something long hard with a firm pink tip” the teacher gasps “ that’s disgusting!!!!” Dirty Ernie goes “ no it’s a pencil “