Wife: Doing her makeup💄 early morning straight out from Bed
Husband: Are you crazy ⁉😡
Wife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone. Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.
Husband: Laughing Loudly
Story Teller
When alien couple Get down on farmer’s field
a green penis that’s about an inch long erect and narrow like a pencil.
The farmer’s wife giggles a little until the alien twists his left ear.
His penis extends to 13 inches. The alien then twists his right ear and his
penis thickens to the width of a Red Bull can.
The next morning the aliens leave after breakfast and the husband asks his wife
how it went. “Wonderful, I’m glad we agreed”, she replied. “How about you?”
The farmer says tells her it seemed really strange and very different from human sex. “
How so?”, asked the wife?
“Well, all she did was play with my ears the whole time…”
A Chicken Goes to a Fox for Therapy
are feeling and why you are feeling this way. Sergio says “When I was a young chick, I was abused by a relative. My parents did not believe me. Then, my older brother Jesus Cortez, was killed horrifically in a farming accident. He was shredded into chicken fingers right before my eyes. My parents blamed me for his death and wished I had died instead.
The therapist says ” That’s horrible, you must feel so much trauma. Let’s talk about it before you do anything.” Sergio interrupts “You don’t understand, my parents and I reconciled some years back. We have a great relationship now and I no longer feel sad about my brother’s death. But when I was 18 I signed up for the military and was sent far away from home. I did horrible things, slaughtered women and children. I still see their faces sometimes.” The therapist responds “I see, many veterans of war suffer from depression, especially if you did something that compromised your morals so deeply.” Sergio replies “Doc, I’ve never told anyone this, but I enjoyed it! People, deep down, are basically animals I believe.
I was like a blood thirsty wolf and when I see the faces of my victims I smile. But after the war I became so lonely. I no longer had my war buddies and I’ve always been an ugly duckling so no woman wanted to have sex with me.” The therapists nods and says ” I see, loneliness can be very very hard on a person, but i can help you with strategies to make friends, your lonliness is only temporary and suicide is permanent.”
Sergio interrupts “Doc its OK now. After a couple years of bumming around I got a good paying job and found a woman who appreciated what I can provide for her. I have 5 daughters and 5 sons and I haven’t felt lonely in years. Really, I’m doing great!”
The therapist, puzzled, asks” I don’t understand, if you are feeling so amazing why are you wanting to commit suicide?”
The chicken replies ” To get to the other side.”
A large corporation hires a Tribe of cannibals
missing. Did you eat them?”
The chief of the Tribe checks with his people and says:
“No sir, we have not eaten anybody. It must be a coincidence.”
The CEO is skeptical but he has no evidence so he dismisses the Tribe.
Once they are away from the other employees, the chief turns to his
Tribe and asks: “Okay, which one of you idiots did it?”
A tribesman sheepishly puts up his hands and admits:
“I ate a secretary.”
The chief smacks the tribesman and yells:
“You fool! We’ve been eating middle management for weeks and nobody has noticed.
Then you had to go and eat someone that does actual work!”
Two Homeless Guys at Vatican
Two homeless guys are on the street in front of the Vatican.
One has a big cross and the other a star of David.
The pope sees them and stops his whole entourage to go speak to them.
He says to the beggar under the star of David, “my son this is a Catholic country. You’re never going to get any charity with this Jewish emblem above you, especially as the fellow right next to you has a cross above him. In fact, I’ll bet some people would give to him purely to spite you.”
The one beggar turns to the other and says, “hey Moshe, look who’s trying to teach the Goldberg brothers about marketing!”
A Joke From History
The Queen nods in assent, saying “you do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress when you hold her n@ked in your arms. For your beard is little more than the kind of fuzz that ladies have in certain places, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pitchfork is any good.”
On his turn, the knight asks “Lady, answer me without deceit. Is there hair between your legs?” When she replies, “none at all”, he comments, “Indeed I do believe you, for grass does not grow on a well-beaten path.”
Best Way to Burn Calories
runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
Man Hates Cat
would always beat him home.
At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge,
then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?” “Yes”, the wife answers, “why do you ask?”
Frustrated, the man answered, “Put him on the phone, I’m lost and need directions!”
1 Dollar for Dirty Joke
Homeless man: “There is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have?”
Me: “Two?”
Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?”
Me: “Two?”
Homeless man: “Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?”
Me: “Two?”
Homeless man: “Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?”
Me: “I don’t know? A lot?”
Homeless man: “Well, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy?”
Celebrating Birthday Alone Ideas Quotes
As we grow, Birthdays lose their charm!! Don’t they?
Year after year, partying, making schedules, and entertaining others, eventually takes a back seat and the feeling to explore oneself becomes the priority. Especially when one is going through some mid-life crisis, and is yearning for some ‘me’ time. What better than celebrating your birthday ‘alone’?!!!
But since people with ‘this’ intention usually end up doing nothing on their birthdays, here are a few things that will keep your lazy bones away, and would inspire you to wake up and do something that you haven’t done in years!! So, celebrate your birthday alone, with no one to disturb you; just do it just for yourself!!!
Treat Yourself With a Birthday Vacation
– If you love travelling, or at one time in life had the desire to travel, go on and use your birthday as the opportunity to plan a vacation and get yourself some much needed “me” time. Whether you want to visit – Europe or Thailand, just plan it and have fun once, for Christ’s sake!!
Go Down the Memory lane & Find Your Forgotten Love
– Spend some time remembering your childhood, or doing something that you used to love doing but schedules took it away from you. Painting, Origami, singing or playing an instrument, whatever is your lost hobby, grab it again and have a blast. Believe us, you will love it!!
Get Yourself a Gift!!
– Readers, movie lovers or art freaks –hit the stores & buy a good gift exclusively for you alone!! Certainly, there is no better ‘birthday’ therapy for you people!!
FOODIES!! Here we go!
– FOODIES!! Here we go! Fix a date with yourself! Plan a dinner and spend some quality time eating the delicacies that make you happy. A birthday certainly asks for some good food!!
It’s a Weird thing to do! But do try it, it works!!
-Do visit a place which at one point in time, inspired you, and still haunts you in your musings. Who knows! Maybe it has the power to inspire you again! You know! Life can meet you anywhere, don’t lose hope!
MAKE ME A SANDWICH
me a sandwich!’” Thomas shook his head.
“Not me. I already have one of those.”
How to Conceive Twins Naturally? Pregnant with Twins
People are divided on whether or not they should have twins. Some couples say they’d love to have two babies, but others have a completely different reaction. If you are a twin or have twin siblings, your perception of reality is likely to differ significantly from that of someone who has never dealt with more than one baby at a time.
Conception occurs when a sperm fertilizes an egg, resulting in the formation of an embryo. A woman can become pregnant with twins if there are two eggs in the womb at the time of fertilization or if the fertilised egg separates into two distinct embryos. Twins are conceived only 2% of the time naturally, but they are more than 40% of the time when reproductive procedures are used.
Identical twins
When a fertilised egg separates into two embryos, this form of pregnancy occurs. These embryos are monozygotic, meaning they have the same genes as each other. Identical twins are of the same sex and have a striking resemblance.
Non-identical or fraternal twins
When there are two eggs in the womb at the time of fertilisation, and sperm fertilises both of them, this type of pregnancy happens. These embryos are dizygotic, which means they don’t have the same genes and may or may not be of the same sex.
Many couples dream of having twins, but it’s best to just focus on having a healthy baby. Regardless of how many babies you’re carrying, always check with your health care provider and follow their advice and tips for a safe pregnancy.
Food items that boost the chances
Dairy products
Women who consume dairy products are more likely to have twins than women who do not consume these things. The presence of growth hormones in milk (dairy from growth hormone-treated cows) is suggested to aid in the conception of twins.
It’s thought that eating a diet rich in dairy items, milk, and meat will help, especially around ovulation time. However, there is no scientific data to back this up.
Wild yams
Increase your intake of yams and sweet potatoes. It is true that women who live in locations where yams are a substantial part of their diet are more likely to have twins. It appears that a naturally occurring chemical component of yams aids in ovarian function support.
Eat zinc-rich foods
Zinc has been shown to increase sperm count. So, you might urge your partner to add zinc-rich foods like pumpkin seeds, lamb, green peas, and yogurt to your diet. It has the potential to boost the chances of fertilising more than one egg.
Encourage your companion to try oysters. Zinc is abundant in oysters, which aids in sperm production. The more healthy and mobile his sperm are, the more likely he is to be able to fertilise an egg or two. If he wants to take supplements, 14mg per day is recommended for males in their fertile years.
Zinc is abundant in green leafy vegetables, cereals, bread, seeds, and wheat germ.
Fertility Herbs For Twins
- Evening primrose oil is thought to improve healthy cervical mucus, which may allow sperm to survive longer in the ovary.
- Evening primrose oil is thought to support healthy cervical mucus, which may help sperm survive longer in the ovary.
- Flaxseed oil has been shown to promote fertility and the likelihood of twin pregnancy.
- Due to its hyper-ovulation qualities, sweet cassava is also claimed to boost the odds of twins.
Natural therapies!
Alternative therapies may make it more likely. Acupuncture, naturopathy, aromatherapy, chiropractic, or flower essences may improve the chances of producing twins, according to scientific research.
What will help boost my chances of having twins?
- Delay Your Next Pregnancy
- Try to conceive while breastfeeding
- Increase folic acid intake
- Certain sex positions have also been known to boost the chances of twins
Some Facts according to recent researches
- Twins are more likely to be born to taller women. This may sound unusual, but researchers believe that a certain insulin-like growth factor is to blame.
- Women who are overweight or obese have an increased likelihood of naturally having twins.
- Twins are more likely to be conceived in women above the age of 35.
- According to 2018 birth statistics, black women deliver twins at a higher rate than white women.
Conceiving after age 30
According to certain studies, a woman with a Body Mass Index of greater than 30 has a better likelihood. However, given that a healthy weight range during reproductive years is 20-25 pounds and that 30 pounds would put you in the overweight/obese category, this is not a healthy recommendation.
This could be due to the fact that beyond the age of 35, the ovaries begin to release more than one egg per month. According to studies, when you’re over 35, you create more follicle-stimulating hormones than when you’re younger. This could result in the release of more than one egg during ovulation, increasing the chances of conceiving non-identical twins.
More chances if twins run in your family
Fraternal twins run in families for this reason. Women, on the other hand, are the only ones who ovulate. As a result, the mother’s genes are in charge of this, while the fathers aren’t. This is why having twins in the family only matter if they are on the mother’s side.
But Monozygotic (identical) twins do not run in families and are born at random. You might not be sure if your great-granduncles were related, and there’s no way to know for sure without DNA testing. However, identical twins are more likely than fraternal twins to share a similar physical likeness.
The chances of naturally conceiving twins are roughly 3%. Being on any type of fertility therapy, obviously, will considerably improve your odds. You have a 20–40% probability of having twins if you use IVF.
True love vs Fake love Quotes
I don’t hate you. I’m just disappointed.
People wear masks of lies so that they look attractive, so be careful.
Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes.
Real love is what you feel it. You see it, and you show it! But fake love is just made of words.
Spend your time with those who love you unconditionally, not with those who only love you under certain conditions.
I didn’t fall in love with you; I fell in love with the person you pretended to be.
I miss the old you. The one that cared about me.
A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise.
We all believe that, we can’t buy love even if we are rich enough; but I think no one buys his own property.
“A false love, begins with the eye and soon spills from the eye in pain. Where a true love, begins with the eye, and settles in the heart.”
“Men never forget true love. They always remember all the women they couldn’t have.”
If someone wants you, nothing will keep them away, but if they don’t want you, nothing will make them stay!
Don’t ever fake love anyone just because you’re lonely!
Fake is the new trend, and everyone seems to be in style.
Real love you feel it; you see it; you show it! But fake love is just words.
A fake lover stops loving and caring from the day he knows he’ll never get her…
“True love is knowing a person’s faults, and loving them even more for them.”
“True love is like a pair of socks you gotta have two and they’ve gotta match.”
“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”