Story Teller 
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been fucked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE FUCKED!”
Husband comes home early and sees wife with another guy.
Wife : Why are you early ?
Husband : Who is he ?
Wife : Don’t try to change the topic..!
The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT’S TOO MUCH!” All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered “I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty.”
63 CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!”
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”
“I don’t want to talk to you”, the old Muslim woman says.”You are not my son!”
“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”
“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, “I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”
the chocolate we’re out of,”
Kid: “Ah, OK. Then gimme a scoop of raspberry and a scoop of chocolate.”
Clerk: “Listen, kid, can you spell the VAN in vanilla?”
Kid: “Sure! V-A-N.”
Clerk: “Can you spell the STRAW in strawberry?”
Kid: “Sure! S-T-R-A-W!
Clerk: “Can you spell the FUCK in chocolate?”
Kid: “There is no FUCK in chocolate!”
Clerk: “THAT’S what I’m trying to tell you.”
Three Women Were Sitting In A Bar Enjoying A Drink. They Got To Talking And Found Out That All Of Their Husbands Were Named Bubba. The First Woman Says, “We Need To Come Up With Nick Names For Our Husbands So We Know Which Bubba We’Re Talking About. The Third Woman Says, “I’Ll Call My Bubba, ‘Mountaindew’ Because He’S Hard Like A Mountain And We Always Do.” The First Woman Says, “I Think I’Ll Call My Bubba, Jack Daniels.” The Third Woman Says, “That’S Not A Soft Drink, That’S A Hard Licker!” The First Woman Replied, “That’S My Bubba!”
says,… “Are you done yet?” And the wife says,
“Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
he also doesn’t want the farmer to lose his second wife, so he
suggests to the farmer, “You know, if you want your farm to be
more successful, maybe you should hire a 21-year-old farmhand.”
“That I’ll do!” says the farmer.
A few months later, the farmer comes back and says to the bartender, “I have some good news! I got my wife pregnant!”
“That’s very nice,” replies the bartender. “How’s the farmhand doing?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” answers the farmer. “I got her pregnant too!”
Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During wrapping, the clerk mixed the items up and the sister got the gloves instead. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with this note:
“I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove…..!
waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders
a big sundae to pass the time.
The penguin isn’t the neatest eater and he ends up covered in
melted ice cream.
When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look
at him and says,
“Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists,
“it’s just ice cream.”
A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate to the United States.
In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards.
Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.
Su and Fu decided to stay in China!
Answer: The person was born in 2005 B.C. (Before Christ).
Therefore, he was 5 years old in 2000 B.C, 10 in 1995 B.C, and 15 in 1990 B.C.
GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins… nothing… The vendor has a good memory.
“What now?” he asks, a bit annoyed at the repeat activity.
She looks at the man, holding his gaze and carefully says “I. Wanna. Get. WEIGHED.”
He ends the date right there and storms off.
Dejected, the girl goes home to her roommate, who asks, “How was your date?”
She throws the stuffed animal to the ground and shouts, “Wousy!”
I’m afraid you’re going to
have to stop m@sturbating.”
“I don’t understand, doc,”
the patient says. “Why?”
“Because,” the doctor says.
“I’m trying to examine you.”
