Story Teller

The says: “Oh yeah, babysitters got one too. I have seen her washing Dads face with it.”

Husband: If I won the lottery, What would you do ?
Wife:,I’d divorce you and take half the money.
Husband : Okay , well  I just won $10 , here’s $5 now get lost!!

startled and he says, “Ma’am if your
heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.” She
replies, “if your p*nis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure
how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into
it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked
out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the
order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process,
but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a
new state-of-the-art method. Husband

#6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how,
but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband
#7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product,

he was never sure how to position it. Husband 8 was a psychologist.
All he ever did was talk about it. Husband
#9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband
#10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was…

God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you,
I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband,
“but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”

they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1,000 an inch.”
The man perks up. So, the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife.

If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed.

It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”
Max agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”
“Yes I have,” says Max. “We’re getting granite counter tops.”

“Is there anything specific you’re
looking for?” “Yes,” said the
customer.

Shortly thereafter, a fire broke out in the physicist’s wastebasket. The physicist rushes to the bathroom, whips out his calculator, frantically does a few computations, pulls out a cup, fills it to a precisely measured level, and rushes back to the wastebasket, pouring the water onto the fire. As the last drop hits the flame, the fire goes out. Satisfied that the problem was solved, the physicist goes back to sleep.
Finally, a fire breaks out in the mathematician’s room. The mathematician rushes to the bathroom, sees the ice bucket, sees a cup, sees the water faucet. Satisfied that the problem could be solved, he goes back to sleep

baby’s coming!” I said,
“Well, he won’t get in.
He’s underage.”

I’m the handyman, I’m fixing your closet, you owe me 100 bucks.
He gives him his money and sends him on his way.

The husband then looks under the bed and yells who the fuck are you,
the second one says I’m also a handyman and I was fixing your bed,
so the husband gives him another $100 and lets him leave.

The deaf man then storms into the room, and yells, I fucked her too,
that’ll be $100.

and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home,
and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to
get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the
mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says,
“Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

In the evening in bed a man approaches his wife. She tries to get away, complaining having a headache. A man asks: – Darling, maybe let’s do IT the Brazilian style? Wife gets interested: ok! The husband does IT the same way as always, and after sxx turns away and is about to fall asleep‘ The wife: – Honey, and what’s Brazilian about this? – Oh, really… Cha-cha-cha!

service to the company,
down the drain.

and all, but not really a superpower…”
Girl: “Yeah I was just kidding, I can heal paraplegics”
Professor X, still standing: “Oh my god”

talking but kept weeping.

“Well don’t cry, it’s a sin but it is not that bad. You should
say 5 Hail Marys and it will be forgiven”. Said the priest.

“But it doesn’t end there” the man kept sobbing. “a few days later my elderly neighbor asked me to help her with her computer. Her husband was hospitalized and she couldn’t send an email to her son. I went there and fixed the problem, but when I was about to leave, the rain started pouring down. It was really stormy and I had to wait. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with the old lady” the man cried.

“Oh dear well that makes it harder indeed, but still – you should say 15 Hail Marys and you will be forgiven,” Said the priest.

“Oh I’m afraid the worst part is still ahead” cried the man. “Yesterday I went to the barber. I was his last client that day. As soon as he finished and was about to close the shop rain started pouring down so intensely, I had to wait with him. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him as well” the man cried.

“Oh dear, it is indeed worse than I thought,” said the priest.“So what should I do father?” the man asked.
“Well” answered the priest, “you should get the fuck out of here before it starts raining!”.