do you see that Mercedes? I bought that with the money I
made just giving hand jobs!” “Well if they’re that….

good, I’ll take one of those!” he said excitedly.
When she was done, he was amazed and agreed it was the
best hand job he’d ever had.

“If you think that was good, you should try one of my blow jobs,”
she said, “just look out the window, do you see that mansion
across the street? I bought that with just the money I made giving blow jobs!”

He had to experience it for himself, so he took her offer and received the best blow job he’d ever had.

“You’re amazing! I can’t believe this. If your hands and mouth are this fantastic I’d love to see what your pussy is like!” he exclaimed.

“Oh honey, if I had one of those I’d own the whole town…”

to ship condoms in from Mexico.”
Telephone voice says, “Bad idea… The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We’ll be a laughing stock. What about Canada?”

Biden: “Alright, I’ll call Justin and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches wide. That way, they’ll continue to respect us as Americans.”

Three days later, a delighted President Biden ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches wide, exactly as requested… All colored with red maple leaves and in small writing saying: ‘Made In Canada / Size: Small.’

bodyguard was surprised and bewildered; after some hesitation, he knelt his knee over his president and cried: “Please spare me, my president. I have a wife and children.” Putin felt sorry; he patted his shoulder and told him it was just a joke.

Watching them, Kim snorted and ordered his bodyguard to jump out of the window. His bodyguard was surprised and bewildered, but soon he shouted and ran to the window. Putin was surprised; he ran and grabbed that bodyguard; yelling “Are you crazy? We’re at skyscraper!”

The bodyguard yelled, with fear in his eyes. “Get off me! I have a wife and children!”

As always, he replies “It tastes fine”. He would continue eating with a disappointed look on his face.

His wife then thinks maybe she needs to offer him more variety. So the next day, she makes him a sandwich, only this time its made with salami, pepperoni, and extra veggies and vinegarette dressing. He walks in the kitchen, takes a bite, and the wife asks “Hows the sandwich dear?”

As always, he replies “It tastes fine” …. When the husband wants a different taste

and continued eating with a disappointed look on his face.

The next day, as lunch time is getting ready to roll around, his wife was making him lunch. She was furious at the lack of excitement and enjoyment coming from her husband, so she decides shes going to make him the most unique sandwich hes ever had.

She prepares her italian bread, only this time she toasts it, and almost burns it. She adds random ingredients like peanut butter, peppers and onions, strawberry jam, turkey, ham, corned beef, some olives and some various seasonings. She thought “If this doesnt get a new reaction out of him, nothing will!”

The husband walks into the kitchen, takes a seat, and takes a bite of his sandwich. All of a sudden, his eyes widen, and he takes two more bites.

Suddenly, he looks up at his wife with the biggest grin he’s ever had. He chuckled a bit and says “Finally! Something original in this sub!”

why people call me handsome

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work.”
The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says “Ah, c’mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth!
For crying out loud! They’re hookers!”
A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks “Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?”
The mother replies “Of course, Dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?”

Titu : Beacsue It’s has no warranty. If works, till forever. If not, then no ever

  What tiny habits can create massive success?

• Stop laying on bed every now and then. Only use bed when you want to sleep.

• Stop using your phone as Alarm clock and if you can, keep your phone in the other room while sleeping. This way your phone won’t be the first thing you check in the morning and you are actually taking the temptation away. Try it, you will sleep much better and feel amazing in the morning.

• Stop eating sugar. Trust me, sugar does nothing good for you and will rot your brain. Wanna eat something sweet after a meal ? Try a couple of strawberries or grapes instead or some honey will also do the trick.
•     Start reading and i mean physical books. They are an amazing stress reliever.

•     Never stop dreaming and keep on setting goals. You must have heard the phrase “Never Settle” a number of times in life and there’s a reason for that. When you work towards something, towards a specific goal, then you’ll automatically be motivated to do other stuff.  

•     Exercise daily. Period.

•     Go outside for a minimum of 30 min daily and get some sunlight. Early morning is the best time. OUTSIDE GOOD, INSIDE BAD.

•     Always use protection. All your success wouldn’t mean shit if you got an unexpected bun in the oven.
•     Never ever watch porn. Use your imagination if need be but avoid porn at all cost.

•     In the age of internet, we easily develop the habit of instant gratification. Want something to eat ? It’s just 2 clicks away. Wanna order clothes ? Just pick your phone and select from latest trends and this will cost you less than actually visiting the store or a restaurant.

    This creates a habit loop of EXPECTING everything INSTANTLY, which is the number one reason for stress. We just don’t realize that everything takes time, that dreams are not achieved by working overnight and this is why most people give up. So slow down, take a deep breath and slowly but constantly work towards your goal.

A teenager is walking downtown and a girl whispers to him, “Bl0wjob, five dollars”. He gives her a strange look and keeps walking. Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking. The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was “Mom, what’s a bl0wjob?”. His mom replies “Five dollars, just like downtown!”.

husband and said “Sir, you’re
my witness. You know I never wear panties.”