Story Teller

“Is this her first child?” the doctor Asks.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

Police: Why did not report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than wife.

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, ‘Are Fred and Mary up yet?’ She replies, ‘No.’ Johnny says, to you know what I think?’ His mom replies, ‘Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.’ After school. Johnny comes home and asks again, ‘Are Fred and Mary up yet?’ His mom says. ‘No.’ He asks, ‘Do you know what I think?’ His Mom replies. ‘Ok, tell me what you think? He says, last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.’

He returned a few minutes later with a Labrador.
As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, paut his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The Vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$1000!” she cried, “$1000 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $1000.”

on her nipples, she says “I’m
getting my mammogram done somewhere else”

if you don’t believe me…bring me 3 different pieces of wood and I’ll bet you $1000 I can identify each type of wood just by smelling it.” The lumberjacks took his bet and each returned with a different piece of freshly cut wood. They handed the old man the first piece…he smelled it and said “there’s no mistaking that strong scent…that boys is pine.”

He was correct. The lumberjacks weren’t fully convinced and realized they had given him an easy one so they handed the old man the 2nd piece of wood. The old man smelled it and said “that’s a tough one but I know for a fact that right there is oak.” Once again…he was correct. The lumberjacks knew they were about to be out of $1000 so they huddled to devise a plan to try to throw the old man off.

The one lumberjack said “I have an idea…you boys remember how I was tellin’ y’all about how my wife gave me some pussy and a piece of ass this morning before I left the house? Watch this…” He walked over to the old man, pulled out his dick, and said here you go old man…take a whiff of this wood and tell me what it is!” The old man smelled it…paused…and took one more good whiff and said “That there boys is a plank off of the shithouse door of a shrimp boat.”

The King of Spain drops his and the
Spanish crowd shout “Viva la España!!”
The King of England drops his, but
there is a long silence from the crowd,
and then everybody shouts “God save the Queen!!!”

The government of India has started an electronic toll collection system which is operated by the National Highway Authority of India. Now, for crossing the toll plaza of over 600 branches, you need to pay from fastag card. It is pasted at the front shield of your vehicle. There are various banks which are issuing the Fastag and recharge can be made through these banks.

The banks which are providing FasTag facility are:

S.No.	Bank Name	Issuer	Acquirer	Recharge Facillity Available	UPI
1	Airtel Payments Bank	Yes	–	YES	@mairtel
2	Axis Bank Ltd	Yes	Yes	YES	@axisbank
3	Bank of Baroda	Yes	–	YES	@barodampay
4	Canara Bank	Yes	–	NO	–
5	City Union Bank Ltd	Yes	–	YES	@cub
6	EQUITAS SMALL FINANCE BANK	Yes	–	YES	@equitas
7	Federal Bank	Yes	–	YES	@fbl
8	FINO Payments Bank	Yes	–	NO	–
9	HDFC Bank	Yes	Yes	YES	@hdfcbank
10	ICICI Bank	Yes	Yes	YES	@icici
11	IDFC FIRST Bank	Yes	Yes	YES	@Idfcnetc
12	Indusind Bank	Yes	Yes	YES	@Indus
13	Karur Vysya Bank	Yes	Yes	YES	@Kvb
14	Kotak Mahindra Bank	Yes	Yes	YES	@Kotak
15	NagapurNagarikSahakari Bank	Yes	–	NO	–
16	PAYTM Payments Bank	Yes	Yes	YES	@paytm
17	Punjab and Maharashtra Co-op Bank	Yes	–	NO	–
18	Punjab National Bank	Yes	Yes	YES	@pnb
19	Saraswat Co-operative Bank	Yes	–	NO	–
20	South Indian Bank	Yes	–	YES	@sib
21	State Bank of India	Yes	Yes	YES	@sbi
22	Syndicate Bank	Yes	–	NO	–
23	Union Bank of India	Yes	–	NO	–
24	Yes Bank Ltd	Yes	–	NO	–

For online issue of Fastag: You can login on the websites for issuing the Fastag and get it through the courier service.

For offline issue of Fastag: You can visit the branch of any bank mentioned above and know the further procedure.

“What’s the problem with that?” asked the rabbit. “We could use some rain.” “Sure,” the kangaroo said. “But that means my kids will have to play inside all day!”

“Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, “Let’s swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.” At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. “Look,” she said, “I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.”

tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike,” and he proceeds
to hand the girl a $20 ticket.

Before the cop rides off she says “By the way, that’s a nice
horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

Playing along the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”
“Well, next year, tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”