Story Teller

“S.h.i.t.”, just as slowly.
Exasperated, she laughs and says, “TGIF
stands for Thank God It’s Friday!, Silly!”
The man replies, “I know that but Sorry Honey,
It’s Thursday.”

this place is nice and toasty.”

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell’s boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians’ room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the
heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they’re doing.

“Well, we can’t pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!”

Satan realizes he’s been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it’s at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he’s won now, so he goes back to the Canadians’ room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, “WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!”
They look at him and shout at the same time, “Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!”

to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,”
the boy said. “There was a
bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

for one. The king said to him,
“I always knew you were my most loyal knight!”
He replied, “It wath nothing, your magethy”

of a gentleman, you would lift
your hat to a lady.” He replies,

“If you were any sort of a sexy lady,
the hat would lift by itself.”

instead he manages to fill only 1/4 of the barn.
The oldest son is next, he shovels in his truckload of hay only to discover that it’s not enough to fill to barn as well, only managing to fill 1/2 of the barn.
Last is the youngest son, he pulls out a lamp and some matches. He strikes a flame and lights the lamp, but as doing so he slips on a pile of cow shit inside the barn, causing him to drop the lamp and lit match onto the pile of leaves and hay his brothers left inside the barn. This causes a giagantic chain reaction resulting in the entire farm being burnt to smithereens as well as the next 75 miles of esate down south. He is charged with arson and sentenced to prison for 45 years.
Farmer: Maybe I should’ve just given the farm to my wife.

Again the little man umps down and kicks over every drink.
So the stranger gives the bartender two more hundred dollar bills, apologizes and turns to leave.
Before he can go the bartender asks what `vas up with his behavior.
The man says, “Well I freed a faerie from a spider web and she gave me three wishes. I asked to be the most handsome man in the world. and look at me. I asked to be impossibly wealthy. and now I have a never-ending supply of dollar bills in my pocket…
… Then I asked to have a to-inch prick.

Man Outside Phone Booth: “Excuse me you are holding the phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”
Man Inside:”I am talking to my wife”

that night the dad walks in his daughters room praying again. she says “good night mom, good night dad, goodbye grandma”.
the next day the grandma drops dead. the dad starts to get a little freaked and at night he hears his daughter praying again.
she says “good night mom, good bye dad”. the dad I completely freaked out so when he goes to work that day he stays in his office.
he is afraid of going home so he stays until closing. he comes home and his wife opens the door. she says “where have you been?” he says “I’ve had a rough day.” the wife says, “you’ve had a rough day? first of all in the morning the mailman drops dead in front of me.”

they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies
driving around with a large sign on their car again.
This time the sign read: “TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.”

she’s never been interested in darts before.
Edit: Thank you for the gold kind Redditor.