Story Teller 
“Well,” she says, “I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion.”
“Too bad you didnt look in the freezer,” said Erica, “Or we might both still be alive.”
Friend: Now think of clowns
“That’s a great idea.” He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a c*ndom.
“What size would you like?” asks the pharmacist.
“Big enough to fit a Camel.”
A Bible.
A silver dollar.
A bottle of whiskey.
A Playboy magazine.
‘I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up..”
“If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!
“If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.
“But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
“And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine’s centerfold.
“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered. “He’s gonna run for Congress.”
never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. .
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
where he is. The usher became impatient with the man says “Sir, if you don’t get up, I will need to get my manager involved” Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher
as he marches off to get the manager.
In a few moments he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to
move him, but with no success. It was at this point that the manager calls the police.
Moments later, a police officer arrives and
approaches the man, “alright buddy, what’s your name?”Sam” the man moans.
“And where ya from Sam?”
With pain in his voice, Sam replied “the balcony”
Salisbury School is an all-boys, private college-preparatory boarding school founded in 1901 and located in Salisbury, Connecticut. Its school newspaper is The Cupola. Its mascot is the Crimson Knight.
Address: 251 Canaan Rd, Salisbury, CT 06068, United States
Phone: +1 860-435-5700
Founded: 1901
Number of students: 325
Tuition: $49,093
Lawrenceville School is a coeducational, independent college preparatory boarding school for students in ninth through twelfth grades, located on 700 acres in the historic Lawrenceville section.
Address: 2500 Main St, Lawrenceville, NJ 08648, United States
Rival: The Hill School
District: Lawrence Township Public Schools
Phone: +1 609-896-0400
Founded: 1810
Enrollment: 816
Tuition: $48,700
is a co-educational, independent, college-preparatory day school in New York City. It is located on two campuses covering more than 27 acres in the Riverdale section of the Bronx, New York.
Address: 5250 Fieldston Rd, Bronx, NY 10471, United States
Enrollment: 1,060 (2008)
Phone: +1 718-549-8810
Founded: 1907
Tuition: $47,660
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is a private, nonsectarian, coeducational, college preparatory boarding school in Lakeville, Connecticut of the New York metropolitan area, founded in 1891.
Address: 11 Interlaken Rd, Lakeville, CT 06039, United States
Phone: +1 860-435-2591
Founded: 1891
Tuition: $46,705
is a planned international system of for-profit private schools for pre-K-12th grades. The first campus opened in September, 2012 in the New York City neighborhood of Chelsea.
Address: 259 10th Ave, New York, NY 10001, United States
Founder: Chris Whittle
Founded: 2011
Phone: +1 212-524-9000
Tuition: $45,350
PAPPU : Maybe it’s…
wrong. but you asked me how i spell it.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the rabbi what was happening; “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.” The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Alberta?” The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. “You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?”
The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Alberta.”
The guy says, “I’ll be behind the couch.”
she looked out the window and sure
enough there was a box gift-wrapped
in the middle of the driveway. Confused,
the wife put on her robe and ran out to
the driveway, brought the box back in
the house. She opened it and found a
brand new bathroom scale. Bob
has been missing since Friday.
never thought of that!” *Hangs up
Edit: Thankyou for the awards kind strangers!
Cheers from the land down under!
phones the second woman’s husband, furious: “My wife came home last night
without her panties!”
“That’s nothing,” says the other. “Mine came back with a card stuck
between her butt cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the fire station,
we’ll never forget you.'”
