Story Teller 
two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets.
I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these
two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s dick off.”
The man takes another look through the scope and says, “You
know what? I think I can do that with one shot!”
house gets $75.” So he leaves. At the second house, he’s told a girl costs $100 “What’s the split?” ” House gets $60, girl gets $40″ So he leaves At the third house he’s told a girl will cost $100 “What’s the split?” ” girl gets $75, house gets $25″
” hot damn! That’s a price a working man can live with! ” Looking over the room, he sees a blonde with big tits giving him a look. So he runs over, grabs her by the arm, and starts to head upstairs. The Madame stops him and points over at a woman in her 70s with bad skin, stringy hair, and one good tooth. “Not so fast! Darlene has seniority.”
Roses are red, oceans are blue, this is me in isolation, how about you?
“Is today boring you? Go outside and lick a stranger’s face.. that should spice things up a bit.“
“ It’s only Quarantine if it’s in the Quarante province of France. Otherwise it’s just Sparkling Isolation.“
“I want to get quarantined with you. – Flirting in 2020.”
“Do you always wanted to be a superhero? Yes, you can be a superhero in the world merely by staying at home. Enjoy quarantine time!”
“If you can’t handle me during the quarantine period, you don’t deserve to be with me when I will be eating cheese pizza after quarantine.”
“If there is someone who is genuinely happy because of quarantine, It’s Netflix organization.”
“Quarantine is temporary. Death is permanent. Choose wisely.”
My isolation… My rules!
If I get mad at you that means I still care. Worry when I don’t get mad.
I love him not for the way he silenced my demons, but for the way his demons dances with mine.
You don’t like me? Fine. Don’t waste my time then.
has a snatch just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife and says,
“It’s just not fair. Here’s this farmer with a cow that has a snatch like a woman and
it’s worth $5,000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you’re not worth shit.
To that the pilot says, “Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?
To see if he really does love her, the father asks “And why is that?”
The guy lets out a long-drawn-out sigh… “Well, it is just that mine
have gotten tired.”
trying to talk me into having
s*x instead of jumping off this ledge!”
The guy gets fed up and walks away..
“Where you going ?” asks the lady?
“I’m just gonna go wait for you at the bottom…”
THEY MASTER THE ART OF SPENDING. The common traits among rich is that they work smart to earn by spending least time, effort and money.
Tesla doesn’t spend on advertising. Owners talk about it to their family and friends. They refer their code to friends to get free supercharging.
By the end of Penn and Teller show, the magicians takes selfies, shake hands and answer questions to approx 200 customers every single show. That promoted them as the longest running headline in Vegas.
Amazon US filed nil tax in two consecutive years though they showed increase in profit .
Skip’s kitchen – a californian burger restaurant asks customer to pick up a card from a deck of cards . If they pull out a joker, the meal is free. Skip’s spend just $2 for every $100 spent . They never spent on advertising.
The Hilton Doubletree Hotel gives a warm chocolate chip cookie during every check-in , totally 75,000 cookies are given out each day , 34% of their guests speak about Hilton Doubletree cookie to their friends , that’s almost 25,000 stories spoken about the brand every single day. The hotel spends just $0.20 as a unit cost per cookie .
When John Neville took over as a director of Neptune theatre , he gave free tickets to local taxi drivers who should talk up the shows to their passengers. Two years down the lane, threatre subscription doubled.
Once Mr Dand from India wrote to Warren buffet about investing in a startup that has a market cap of $300 million. Few days later , he received a letter from Berkshire Hathway Inc stating that it’s far too small to be considered as Investment. Here , Mr Buffett has acknowledged a client’s time and effort as well as politely declined his proposal based on company standards. That’s how the rich work smart in spending least time , effort and money .
and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke.”
“Do you eat a lot of sugary and greasy foods?”
“No, sir! I carefully watch my diet and caloric intake, and I’m sure to eat plenty of vegetables.”
“Do you go to parties? Stay up late? Are you sexually promiscuous?”
“Not at all! Early to bed and early to rise! And abstinence is key.”
The doctor raises an eyebrow at the man. “So… Why exactly do you want to live to be a hundred?”
Goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona,
decides that something cold would really hit the spot.
He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat.
Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem.
The mechanic looks up and says “It looks like you blew a seal.”
“No no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just ice cream.”
to relieve the pain, he slowly undoes his fly.
Immediately, his penis lunges out onto the table, grabs a bread roll, and vanishes back under the table.
His date, unsurprisingly shocked, slowly smiles and says, “could you do that again?”
The man, his eyes watering slightly, replies “probably, but I don’t think I can fit another roll in my arse.”
will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
“How much for a season ticket?”
the fabric when cold weather sets in.
“Women need not worry, we have killed that bastard”
a doctor to figure out that you have slept with my wife!”
The doctor remains calm: “The answer
lies in the genetics.
Some genetics have recessive traits, which are not apparent to
the parents but may be passed on to the child.
For example, last week one of your sheep
gave birth to a black sheep.”The chieftain pauses for a thinking, then
replies: “I tell you what.
You say no word about black sheep and I say no word about white child.”
