Story Teller

Man do Hunting

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was very little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot.”
“What’s the bad news?” asked the hunter.
“The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your
willy which left quite a few holes in it. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.”
“Well, I guess that isn’t too bad,” the hunter replied.
“Is your sister a plastic surgeon?”
” Not exactly answered the doctor………
“She’s a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She’s going to teach you where
to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.

When Two Wives Meets

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2 girls meet: “Me & my husband are no longer together…” “Why?” “Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?” “No, of course I couldn’t!” “Well he couldn’t either!”

A Guy Goes to the Tatoo Parlor

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ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious
with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.

So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why
and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for
the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.

So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: “First, I like to play
with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly,
the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.”

Machines of the Isle of Nantes Events, Tickets & Schedule

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Machines of the Isle of Nantes Event , Tickets & Schedule

Table of Contents

  • The Machines of Isle of Nantes Information

    Address Parc des Chantiers, Boulevard Léon Bureau, 44200 Nantes, France
    Telephone +33251174989
    Official site www.lesmachines-nantes.fr

    Do you love to explore new cultural and artistic places around the globe? Next time you give a visit to France, here’s a place you cannot miss on. Yes, I am talking about a Nantes, France based touristic, artistic and cultural project – The Machines of Isle of Nantes (Les Machines de l’île). This place, which was first opened for public on 1 July 2007, still after 12 years it holds a special place in hearts of people who have visited here and receives a lot of tourism every year. After all who wants to miss this beauty. The place is intended to build an identity of creativity with dreams and fantasies of the metropolis and aims to promote the image of the city. This place which was at one time used for the construction of ships and had shipyards of Nantes was recreated by two artists, François Delarozière (of La Machine production company) and Pierre Orefice (of Manaus association) in ‘the gallery’ a workspace in Nantes former shipyard.

    Days Timing
    Monday to Friday 10:00 AM – 06:00 PM
    Saturday – Sunday 10:00 AM – 05:00 PM

    Main Attraction of The Machines of Isle of Nantes

    It includes some remarkable machines including The Great Elephant, The Marine Worlds and The Heron Tree and a workshop of Machine Gallery.

    1 . The Great Elephant

    The machines of the Isle of Nantes mechanical elephant is the star attraction of this place. It is known as Gigantic Sultan’s Elephant. The massive elephant is automaton-sculpture which is 12-metre high by 8-metre wide which can take up to 49 passengers for a 45-minutes’ walk. It looks like a majestic animal going for a walk which is actually an architecture in motion departing a steel material. It is a joyful experience for even to the sight of spectacles. Just image yourself riding an architectural sculpture’s back, how amazing that would be. It even flaps its leathery ears, lumbers, stamps its feet, sprays water from the trunk and even trumpets vigorously.

  • Grand Elephant’s departure schedule Information:

    Months Dates Days Time
    JULY-AUGUST Monday 8 July to Sunday 25 August  7 days a week From Monday to Sunday, departures at 10.15, 11.00, 11.45, 12.30, 13.30, 14.15, 15.00, 15.45, 16.30, 17.15, 18.00 and 18.45
    AUG- SEPT Monday 26 August to Sunday 1 September 7 days a week From Monday to Sunday, departures at 10.15, 11.00, 11.45, 12.30, 13.30, 14.15, 15.00, 15.45, 16.30, 17.15 and 18.00

    Grand Elephant Ticket Price Information

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  • Non-stop ticket sale for the same day, during ticketing hours, within the limit of available places. Each ticket gives access to the workshop terraces, the film and the Heron Tree prototype Branch. Non-stop ticket sale for the same day. Ticket office under the warehouses. Some rides can be booked online through their official website – https://www.lesmachines-nantes.fr
    Full Rate 8,50 €
    Discount Price 6,90 €: disabled people / 4-17 years old, students, unemployed please provide proof
    Free Children under 4 and the disabled people’s helper
    Family Pass Either 1 adult and 4 young people (4-17 years old), or 2 adults and 3 young people (4-17 years old), valid for the same day – 30,20 to 31,80€: Galerie or Grand Éléphant

    2. The Marine Worlds

    Next, the Marine Worlds Carrousel exhibits under-water moving creatures. It is almost 25 metres high and 22 metres in diameter. It shows underwater moving creatures at 3 levels:

    1. The Sea and Boat level
    2. The Ocean floors
    3. The Depths.

    People can even climb on it and guide the movement of machines.

    The Marine Worlds Carrousel Ticket Price

  • Animated visit. Non-stop ticket sales, immediate entry. Ticket office under the warehouses.
    Full Rate 8,50 €
    Discount Price 6,90 €: disabled people / 4-17 years old, students, unemployed please provide proof
    Free Children under 4 and the disabled people’s helper
    Family Pass Either 1 adult and 4 young people (4-17 years old), or 2 adults and 3 young people (4-17 years old), valid for the same day – 30,20 to 31,80€: Galerie or Grand Éléphant

    3. The Heron Tree

    Another remarkable machine is the Heron tree. It is a structure made up of steel topped with two herons. It is 45- meters in diameter and 28- meters in height. It is kind of mechanical birds. It can ride over it and fly over the hanging gardens of the trees at la Galerie des machines de Nantes.

    Also, The Machine Gallery, the workspace in Nantes older shipyard where the machines were made is open for the public to visit. It illustrates the background story of the machines, how they were made. It has a workshop where we can see the various trades of works. Don’t miss visiting these places.

    1. Non-stop ticket sale and access, immediate entry.
    2. The ticket office at the Carrousel des Mondes Marins.
    3. Two operating modes according to periods: fairground mode and discovery mode.
    MODE – 1 FAIRGROUND MODE
    Full Rate 8,50 € With this ticket, 1,60 € discount on the full price at the Galerie (with a 48 hours validity period)
    Discount Price 6,90 €: disabled people / 4-17 years old, students, unemployed please provide proof 3 €: from 1 to 3 years old and the disabled people’s adult helper
    Free N/A
    Family Pass – 28,60 to 31,80€: Carrousel des Mondes Marins
    MODE – 2 DISCOVERY MODE
    Full Rate 6,90 € With this ticket, 1,60 € discount on the full price at the Galerie (with a 48 hours validity period)
    Discount Price N/A
    Free Children under 4 years old and the disabled people’s adult helper
    Family Pass – 28,60 to 31,80€: Carrousel des Mondes Marins

    Other major attractions to see:

    Mechanical Androids:

    Some of the machines are beyond your imagination. This is a living machine which also breathes. In the Steampunk genre you will see this machine man which will greet you with a steely handshake and wearing dandy monocles. Where else you will find such machine.

    Viewing Garden:

    Do you want to look at rustic skyline of Nantes? You can have a glimpse of beautifully bloomed tulips and harshly warped viewing platform houses through steampunk genre lens which portrays post-apocalyptic world.

    Ferocious Dragon horse:

    It wakes up every afternoon from his deep slumber and looks like a real beast have awaken from hibernation. It’s heavy eyelids and stream flaring out of his nostrils will make you believe that. If you keep staring at it, he might even stare back and you and also while having a long yawn can occasionally puff fire.

    Ride on Inchworm:

    Inchworm is long creature with all over segmented body. You can hitch a ride on it. Kids totally love taking ride on it while adults never miss it too.

    Steer Wheels of Fighter Jets:

    If you are not the one for creepy-crawlies, then you are surely going to love brass fighter jets, and this is not it, you can steer the wheels of it. You are going to enjoy it the most for sure.

    The Steam House:

    It is inspired by an 1880 novel, The Steam House written by Verne. In a steam-powered elephant, the British Colonist travel through India. You can take a ride on it and get chance to view Nantes’ warehouse, 18th century mansion from unique vantage point from 12 m high in the air and ships. It strays water on the unsuspecting observers, roaming nearby.

    The Machines of Isle of Nantes Event 2019 Information

    Throughout the year, at Machines of the Isle of Nantes events are organized. This is la machine schedule 2019 which include:

    MONTH EVENT
    WINTERTIME
    January- February Classic Music Festival
    February – November Rock! (A story made in Nantes)
    February – March Hip Opsession (A major hip-hop festival in Europe)
    April Sports Event (Marathon)
    JUNE Hellfest (Open air festival)
    SUMMERTIME
    July – September Cultural event (Le Voyage A NANTES) An artistic and poetic trail in the city
    June – January The Amazon The Shaman and the Philosophy of the forest
    June – July XXL Sea The sea as you have never seen it
    START IN MAY Transfert A new city is taking shape at the limits of Nantes
    JUNE – AUGUST AUX HEURES D’ETE Festival of World Cultures
    End of August RENDEZ-VOUS DE L’ERDRE Jazz Festival in Nantes
    Start of September Euro 2019 TABLE TENNIS
    September LA FOLIE DES PLANTES One of the most important horticultural exhibitions – SALE IN FRANCE!
    3rd Weekend of September European heritage days
    September Euro Volley 2019
    September Scopitone Multimedia Festival
    September Nantes Digital Week
    October – November Les Utopiales Main Science Fiction Festival in Europe
    November Festival Des 3 Continents

    This is the list of events held throughout the year. According to the choice of events depending upon your interest, you can select your favorite time.

    Best Time to Visit

    The popular months to visit are May and September – October. It is chilly sometimes with a bit more rain but is the most popular months. Summers are also fine. If it gets hot, you can take a dip in the Erdre River that passes by.

    Things to Do at Machines of the Isle of Nantes

    Through Nantes is a place no age group will feel bored at. It is an amazing place to travel with your friends, families, colleagues and for couples too.

  • For Kids – This place is not less than wonderland to the kids, the giant robotic elephant ride and everything else will give never forgetting special experience to kids. Also, apart from this giant robotic ride for kids, fewer machines de l’ile dragon, fewer machines de l’ile carrousel and many more rides are present for kids.
  • For Youth – Thriller and adventure are some things youth is always looking forward to. This place has everything you want to experience. La machine spider and la machine Ottawa are some of the ride’s youth will enjoy forever.
  • For Adults – You can discover not so tourist places around. You can try new dishes famous in that place and adventure is for every age group.

    How to Reach at Machines of the Isle of Nantes

    It is located at Parc des Chantiers, Boulevard Léon Bureau, 44200 Nantes, France.

    By TGV high-speed train

    Paris: 2 hours (20 trains per day) – Roissy Charles de Gaulle airport: 2 hours 50 minutes – Lyon: 4 hours 20 minutes – Saint-Nazaire et la côte d’Amour: 33 minutes * times are indicative of fastest trip

    By Aeroplane

    Less than 2 hours from the major European cities The nearest airport is Nantes Airport through which you must leave from gate 37. From where you must walk to Neustrie which is about 1 min away. From where you can take a ride through taxis or bus to Prairie Au Duc 1 and walk to the machine de L’ile.

    By car

    Motorway A11 from Paris – Motorway A 83 from Bordeaux – Route RN 137 from Rennes – Route RN 165 from Vannes – Route RN 249 from Cholet

    Coming to Machines of the Isle of Nantes

    By tramway

    Tramway ligne 1: arrêt “Chantiers Navals” If you prefer to visit by public transport. You can take it with TAN. Arret de tramway Chantiers naval, ligne 1. More info: www.tan.fr

    By bike

    Station Bicloo n° 43: Machines de l’île More info: www.bicloo.nantesmetropole.fr

    Car parking

    Pay parking lot Les Machines – Paying place on Bd de la Prairie au Duc – Free parking lot: Quai Wilso

    Best Places to Eat Near Machines of the Isle of Nantes

    There are around 1919 restaurants in Nantes. The highest rates restaurants which are near to Machines are –

    RESTAURANT ADDRESS DISTANCE FROM Les Machines de L’ile
    Vertigo 3 Mail du Front Populaire 0.1 km
    Les Docks 12 rue Julien Videment 0.2 km
    Café du Progres 38 rue Lanoue Bras de Fer 0.1 km
    Paola 2 rue Julien Videment 0.2 km
    Le 1 1 rue Olympe de Gouges 18 Quai Francois Mitterand 0.1 km
    Canas y Tapas 7 rue Rene Siegfried Parc des Chantiers 0.2 km
    Le Nez Grille 95 quai de la Fosse 0.5 km

    Accommodation Near Machines of the Isle of Nantes

    City apartments are a great accommodation option in Nantes. It provides you with a stylish and spacious retreat to stay. Its rate is 120 € a night for four. Alternatively, you can take Agagio, which has four-bed studios ranging 117 € a night.

    Bonus Tips!

    1. Buy tickets well in advance – Avoid queues by buying ticket well in advance through its official website. Who likes to waste time on vacation?
    2. Visit Hotels before booking one – You can take tours of the hotels before deciding on the final one. You can visit their lobbies, restaurant and bar.
    3. Do not overdo your body – Understand your body and don’t be in a rush to cover maximum places in a day. Take proper rest so that you can stay fresh and enjoy every moment.
    4. Wear comfortable shoes – You need to walk a lot from machine to machine and wearing a comfortable pair of shoes, it will help you walk longer distances with ease.
    5. Make your restaurant reservation well in advance – Especially when you are travelling in peak season, make your reservations well in advance so that you don’t have to keep waiting for food after a long tiring day.
    6. Make a list of each member do and don’t – We all are aware of our family’s mischievous deeds. Everyone can be given a list of what they can and cannot do on it. It will surely save you from major headaches on the trip.
    7. Decide a meetup point in case anyone misplaces – Who needs stress when you are on vacations. Vacations are to release stress not to gain more and in case anyone misplaces, it’s not less than mini heart attacks. You can specify a place like registration counter or parking, where if anyone misplaces and not have access to mobile can easily meet.
    8. Get a map and plan all the routes – Things are much better when planned accordingly. You can take a map from the local place and plan your day out yourself without the help of tourist guides. It will help you save both bucks and time.

    Plan your trip soon to experience the old times and culture of the city. To have the elephant ride, witness the dragon, spider. Everything you need to know is given above. So, what are you waiting for? Hurry up!

A Man Joins a Soccer Team

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said nothing more and went to sleep.

The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, “I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?” His mate said smiling, ‘Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!.”

The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, “Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick.”

Maths Teacher Wants to Meet the Father

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”Sure, I’ll go.” The next day, the boy comes home from school “Dad, have you gone by…
the school?” He asks.
“Not yet.”
“Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also.”
“Why?” asks the father.
The boy explains, “Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. ‘Now,’ he says, ‘lift your left leg,’ so I asked ‘What, am I suppose to stand on my cock!?'”
“Exactly,” says the father. “Alright, I’ll come.”
The next day, the boy asks his father “Did you go to the school?”
“No, not yet.”
“Don’t bother, I got expelled.”
Surprised, the father asks “Why did you get expelled?”
“Well, they summoned me to the principal’s office, and sitting there was the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher.”
“The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said” repli